Scars
by her name is erika
Summary: She loved him scars and all now, just as she had many times in the past. / Or, in which Victoria wanted to take care of the man she loved. BillyVictoria.


**Scars  
show:** Young and the Restless  
**central character:** Billy Abbott, Victoria Newman  
**summary:** She loved him scars and all now, just as she had many times in the past. / Or, in which Victoria wanted to take care of the man she loved. BillyVictoria.  
**notes:** Just something that struck while I was in the middle of writing something else. The scenes lately have been lovely. Just romance, some hurt and comfort. Feel good stuff. I'm shocked I wrote something this short. Enjoy.  
**disclaimer:** Nope. Not even remotely mine.

* * *

"Vick?" he broke the silence finally when she didn't know how, voice strangled and small. She turned around, and met his eyes that shiny with tears that pooled his dark, imploring eyes. They begged her not to leave. The slight tremble of his hand against hers had started again. He turned away before they stared at her, shame and despair waging a battle that would end in a losing draw. "I messed up. I'm… so sorry."

The dog four houses down let out a high pitched howl that sent a shiver down her back and made Billy flinch. A cricket chirped its song to accompany it and the odd house lights remained in the neighbours as if the universe seemed to expose who rose as brightly as the sun rose in the morning and who seemed to naturally be a creature of the night. The irony made her corner of her lip curl upwards. Even with children, she and Billy never quite turned the lights off when night came. When they did, it was just lay in each other's arms. Billy's arms enclosing her as she rested her head against his chest, his heartbeat in her ears and intertwined with hers. As she stared into those eyes, Victoria had seen a gleam of charm, wicked playfulness, passion when he felt something and it consumed him, and lately, uncertainty and pain.

She shook her head, stroking his stubbled cheek. Smiling re-assuredly, Victoria pressed a kiss to Billy's mouth before he pulled away and threw a wan, dimpled smile at her.

"Listen to that," Victoria said, in the silence of the house. Things could have gone so much differently tonight. She was elated the conference call with Japan had gone smoothly, and her father's health was turning a corner. All of that could have been undone with a phone call from the police, or one to the social worker that would undermine her capabilities as a suitable caregiver to Christian and a parent to her own children. Still, with that drop in her stomach at all the worst possible scenarios, there was silence. Everything was fine. The kids were fine and Billy was going to be fine with all the help, love and support he needed. "Silence. The kids are asleep, and you're physically fine," she frowned with a sigh. "It's me who should be sorry."

Billy shook his head, "No. You didn't do anything."

"It's what I didn't do," she explained and sat next to him, again. Victoria set her hair free of its bun and she shook it off before tucking a lock of it behind her ear. She felt the heat of Billy's curious gaze on her. "When Adam came back, I told him that Delia's death was hard…which it is. But we had worked to _get over_ it. It's that. The fact that I thought grief was something to get over just like that," she snapped her fingers, and continued, "when I faced something traumatic myself and am nowhere near over it because it's for life. Grief and trauma are not things a person can deal with in a day, a month, or even a handful of years."

Her eyes misted over with tears and she felt one fall down her cheek, her voice catching in her throat. The fire poker was no longer there, but she could see it clearly. JT was in jail, serving out his sentence after they last spoke but she could still see the outline of his form on her carpet. Victoria was foolish to think Billy's lack of sleep was due to a heavy work load and stress. Some days, Victoria needed the Ambien despite her initial protests that she didn't believe in pills. But when her novel didn't put her to sleep, a nice glass of white wine didn't do it either, Victoria figured there was no shame as long as it was by her terms. She had seen the desperation in Billy's eyes. All he wanted to do was sleep. All he needed was the ability to sleep and wake up without feeling anxious. He ultimately wanted peace in knowing Delia rested peacefully, too.

"It's lifelong. Dr. Mosley told me that in therapy in one particular hard session," she disclosed. "I was insensitive to what you're still going through," she discreetly sniffled and it was he who comforted her, running the pad of his thumb across her knuckles. Victoria's blue eyes were apologetic as she looked at him, her skin flushed. "Maybe if I had shown a bit of awareness. This wouldn't have happened. If I had pushed a little more, you wouldn't have felt so alone. For someone who still cannot get to forgiveness where JT is concerned because of something horrific, I should know better."

"Stop it. You have nothing to apologize for. You have a lot and spend your time taking care of others. You're taking care of Newman, our kids, checking with Reed even though he's about to be in college and you miss him like hell, and you stepped up to take care of Christian," Billy sighed, and shrugged. "I don't know… I just know that I'm scared as hell and didn't want to scare you too."

"Like I said, I'm here with you always. We'll figure it out. You know, I thought it was shameful to tell anyone I was being abused, that I let myself be hurt by someone who claimed to love me, but I realize that the more you trust in people who love you, and won't judge you, things ebb and flow. You're aware of things, but it's not so crippling anymore," she laughed, quietly and stood. "Even someone allergic to asking for help like me believing in reaching out."

Billy looked at her, holding her by the waist and her hands found themselves on his shoulder. It was as if she was dancing with him. A dream in the middle of a nightmare, but one she would be there to help him battle.

"Look at you."

She raised a brow, amused. "Me?"

"Yes. You. I don't deserve you, Vick."

"I'll be the judge of that," she answered with a small smile and interlocked her hands behind his neck, absentmindedly playing with his dark hair. His shoulders were broad and secure, and yet so tense, the burden of ghosts and impulses that led into the dark. "You deserve to feel safe," she kissed his cheek. "You deserve… to be peaceful," she whispered, pressing another kiss to his jaw. Victoria felt him slowly relax, and unravel with a soft exhale. "You deserve… " she pressed another to his lips, long and lingering, and held his face between her palms and stared into his eyes, dark with love and desire. His hands rested on the small of her back, a shiver of heat coiling around her spine. "You deserve to be taken care of."

"Yeah?" Billy whispered against her mouth, smiling against it.

She nodded. "Let me be there for you. Please."

"Okay..."

Victoria kissed him again, and with a light laugh, pulled the shirt he wore over his head. His skin was her canvas, her hands was her paintbrush to explore the parts of his body both familiar and new. She kissed him here, placed another soft one here as she straddled him. She saw his colours and his shades of grey. He was a broken, flawed man with all his dysfunction, but Victoria did not need Billy perfect. He did not need him to twist himself into something he was not for her sake. Or, ever.

She loved him scars and all now, just as she had many times in the past.

A moment in time recalled her offering her hand to him on a snowy New Year's Eve, only for him to take it. In the present and now, Victoria realized. She had deep scars of varying sizes and textures that stayed with time. In Billy's scars, she saw hers and she was a little imperfect too and that was okay as long as, in his own time, he would be okay too.

—

_fin _


End file.
